The Mum List

6 things you will need more than an overpriced stroller

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You know all those baby lists and mum lists that are full of expensive strollers and overpriced maternity wear? This isn’t that. When you are pregnant, especially but not exclusively the first time, the focus is entirely on the baby. People will share lists of items that you will need to purchase, making you feel like you’re in a race against time. What if you don’t have time to buy all those things in the mere months you have before the baby arrives? What if you end up needing more nappies of this size or that? What if the baby is premature and you only have three onesies?

Well, newborns don’t really need anything apart from nappies, something to wear and you. Once you give birth, you may not be able to but your family and friends will still be mobile and the shops will still be open so you can just buy what you need. Worst case scenario, if you don’t have anyone to pop out quickly to get you what you need, you can have it delivered to your home. The reality is, babies don’t need much, and they definitely don’t need every item on that list to be top of the line and unnecessarily expensive. If you have the money, go for it, but if you don’t, consider saving that money because you may need to spend it on yourself. The list below is made up of things I wish I had known I should prioritize without guilt because a happy, comfortable mama makes for a happier baby.

Clothes

Pregnancy and postpartum

I find the need for maternity clothes varies simply depending on the climate or the time of the year you’re pregnant. With my first, I was bigger in the summer so I wore non-maternity dresses the whole time. My second was born in March so I was bigger through winter. I was lucky that my sister gave birth in December so she gave me a couple of pairs of maternity jeans she had got on Vinted and I wore those, together with dresses worn with maternity tights.

If you can get away with it, I’d always recommend buying the least amount of maternity clothes possible and obviously getting whatever you choose to get second hand. Maternity clothes are mostly used for such a small window of time that they really are as good as new when you buy them. I also think getting cheaper items like tights and making your normal clothes work for you in different ways is a great way of saving money without filling your house with unnecessary items.

Another good option is going to charity shops and buying dresses that are a size above yours or are very stretchy. I do this with trousers too, because during the first trimester and the first months postpartum, you won’t fit into your pre-baby clothes.

I think the key to these years of your life is to accept that your body will be changing quite often so the last thing you want are clothes that don’t allow those changes to happen without feeling constricting. I recommend dresses, elasticated waistbands and some flexibility around your size when you’re shopping.

Nursing clothes

Mums don’t need nursing clothes, except bras. Nursing clothes are overpriced but if you really want to try them, try Vinted or Depop because people sell them there very cheaply.

I have been breastfeeding for almost five years without a nursing top or dress. I was given a dress and two tops with my first and they were so uncomfortable, I used the tops to sleep and sold the dress on Vinted. I find I am too thin or my boobs are too small to have an opening in the middle of my chest because it keeps, well, opening.

The way I worked this one out was simple, I wear vests or strapless tops under my normal tops, so I can lift my top without freezing my tummy and then simply pop out the boob that is needed at the time. Dresses are a bit more annoying but I find it’s easy enough to find dresses with stretchy fabric you can pull down to breastfeed.

Shoes

You’re probably wondering what the hell I’m going to say. Shoes are safe, right? Well, they can be. Nevertheless, some women’s feet grow during pregnancy (and I’m not talking about them being swollen). Feet can grow up to one or two sizes and then they may stay that way forever. I am very tall and my feet are, accordingly, very big so when they got even bigger during pregnancy I was not happy. Do you know how hard it is to find nice shoes for women in bigger sizes? It’s almost impossible, unless you have a lot of money. My tip is to measure your feet to know your real size, since most people are wearing shoes that are too small anyway. You may be surprised.

Physiotherapy

Ah! The joys of pregnancy, labour and taking care of babies. The whole process has such a lovely way of completely disconfiguring your body. Anyone who has seen a pregnant woman walk will understand that that body may need some help to get back to its pre-baby alignment. We tend to arch our backs, we waddle, we survive while carrying the weight of our babies inside and outside our uteruses. Often, we don’t do it the way we are supposed to. We don’t always have time to think about the way we are picking our children up or the way we are getting out of bed but these seemingly small acts could lead to issues like back pain, neck pain, diastasis recti and incontinence.

Another fun thing I learnt after having my second child was that babies can stop blood flow to certain parts of your body and, if this happens for an extended period of time, small parts of your bones can begin to die. I had a constant pain around my hip that I completely ignored throughout my pregnancy and for almost two years postpartum and when I did eventually go to the physio, she was able to make it better in three sessions. Make yourself a priority, please. Don’t be like me. The solution is probably easier and cheaper than dealing with the pain.

Now, diastasis recti. Get out of bed on your side, don’t lift your toddler when you’re pregnant, be very careful when you get off the sofa, don’t let your belly push you forward, don’t arch your back, don’t… Diastasis recti is a pain in the ass for so many reasons. It will most likely happen to you, and then it may heal on its own, or not. You may not know you have it but experience symptoms like neck or back pain that you may now associate with it but a weak core leads to symptoms all around your body. The good thing about diastasis recti is that in most cases, it’s relatively easy to heal. Your physio can teach you hypopressive exercises to do at home or, if you have the support, you can join a class and maybe meet other mamas, win win. The effort involved in doing the exercises is so small but the reward is so big, I wish everyone knew about it.

I’m not a doctor so I’m only sharing the few things that I have experienced throughout my pregnancies. I know there are a hundred more so if you have any pain or something feels off, please go see a specialist.

Pelvic floor specialist

Pelvic floor specialists are often physiotherapists but since not all physios are specialized, I have put them in a different category. A pelvic floor examination is intense. Most of us have become quite comfortable with being uncomfortable after birth and labour, lying naked with our legs up in the air while people come and go but a pelvic floor examination is a different level of intensity. A person will put their hand up your vagina and ask you to cough and do other movements to see how strong or weak your pelvic floor is. I recommend having been to the bathroom before this because this person will definitely move everything around and you will be uncomfortable if you haven’t.

This examination is important because it’s easier to heal a weak pelvic floor now than it is to go through your life wondering why you’re peeing yourself every time you jump/cough/laugh until eventually you have to have an operation. A small effort now can save you a lot of annoyance in the future.

Therapy

Becoming a mum, be it for the first time, second or fourth, can be difficult and it’s normal to need some help. The first time you have a child, you may struggle with how much your life has changed. The second, the hardest transition for me, you may feel guilty and lost as to how to give two people the same attention you gave one (until you realize you can’t and let go of those expectations).

No matter the amount of children, it’s common to have prenatal or postpartum anxiety, depression and other issues that the people around you may not know how to help you with. Therapy is expensive, so maybe forgo the BabyBjorn and save some money for your mental health. Your baby will benefit much more from a happy mum than they will from a fancy baby bouncer that they will only use for a few months.

My youngest and I doing mama and baby yoga

Exercise classes with baby

I’d say exercise classes without baby would be more healing. However, realistically, most of us don’t have anyone to leave the baby with so spend some cash and find a group of mums and babies that get together to do yoga or whatever is available in your area. Good for your body, good for your mind.

I could add more things to this list but I am literally sitting in the bathroom while my children watch a film so I’ll leave it there for now. I hope this list changes the way some of you approach the money spending that inevitably comes with a child. Please, focus on the essentials, shop second hand whenever you can and keep some money back to take care of yourself. No guilt necessary.

Lots of love,

Rebecca.